This guy I know he wandered in,
His eyes were somewhat blackened.
I look him over carefully and said,
“Now Garth, what happened?”
Did you come down off your horse
Or were you out there kissing trees,
Why is your face all swollen up –
Do you have some new disease?
He smiled a little ruefully
And said, “I must confess,
I got these two big shiners
Because of this clinging pink silk dress.”
I looked at him some careful,
Said, “You sure I want to know?”
He said, “Well here’s my story,
This is how it goes.
“The other day I went to town
To pick up some supplies.
Like stock salt and penicillin
And something to repel the flies.
“When I got there I noticed
There was a concert on in town.
So I thought I’d take it in
And just see who’s around.
“When I got there the hall was full
And it was plenty warm.
And judging from the odor,
Perspiration was the norm.
“So I got a chair up near the front.
But the view it still was poor
Because this gal in front of me,
Well, she was large for sure.
“Yes, when it comes to size,
She was somewhat more than ample,
She must have shopped at a tent supply,
If her pink dress was a sample.
“And I noticed when she stood on up,
The final song to sing,
That all that perspiration
Caused her pink silk dress to cling.
“Yes, it was plastered to her back
About where should be her spine,
And I noticed that a lot of it
Was caught in her behind.
“So I thought I’d help her out,
No need to call attention,
I’d just give her dress a pull –
Her thanks she need not mention.
“But when I gave that dress a tug
To ease the fabric out,
She come around with an elbow swing
And gave me quite a clout.
“So I thought maybe it bothered her,
That dress just hanging slack,
And she blackened up my other eye
When I tried to put it back.”
Copyright by Bryn Thiessen. Reprinted with permission. The Gentleman is from his book of poetry, The Wind in the Pines.