The other night I had a nightmare, I had the most horrible dream,
for I dreamt that my range flooded over and my calves all got washed down the stream.
For I saw a bull and a heifer, and I saw a cow and a calf,
and they were all walking on water, what seemed like a mile and a half.

Then I saw something real funny, something that I’d never seen,
I swore that I’d gone to a movie, and a cartoon came up on the screen.
For the calf, he was out water skiing, and the old cow was pulling the rig,
and the bull was out picking my banjo, and the heifer was doing the jig.

The old milk cow she was just yodeling, from the banks of the river that night,
I’ll never forget it as long as I live…my God what a beautiful sight!
The old dog is feeling real guilty; he’s carrying on just like a brat
He said, “I’d never have chased that old milk cow around
If I’d known she could yodel like that.”

Then I saw the rooster out running the haybind,
and the old hen out working the rake,
and the chicks they were moving the water guns down where we irrigate out of the lake.
The tomcat was fixing my one-ton,
the mother cat putting in shocks,
and the woodpecker was picking
the roots off the field,
and the little peckers were all
picking up rocks.

Now, the old boar he was out cultivating, and the old sow was looking for him,
and the dogs falling trees on the woodlot back there, and the puppies were piling the limbs.

But imagine when I go tell the banker,
my calves have all washed away,
He won’t think it so funny when I say
there’s no money and just no way I can pay.
But just when he’s ready to pass out,
I’ll tell him it’s all a bad dream,
that my calves are all home,
they’re healthy as hogs
and they’re all sleeping down by the stream.

I don’t expect you to believe this,
’cause I don’t even know what you think
but I’d seen it all there in my very own dream, and I didn’t have one drop to drink!

Renowned as “The Fastest Poet in the West,” Frank Gleeson is a rancher, cowboy poet, humourist and singer/songwriter from the heart of the Cariboo Country in Williams Lake, BC. Frank has authored five books, and produced cassettes and CD’s of his original work. Frank was recently named the Official Poet of Williams Lake.